I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
