I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
