Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
