In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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