Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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