I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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