No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
