Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
