Me too!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
