i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
