Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
