just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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