Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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