the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The air was thick with penises
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
