how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
