not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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