these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize