??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize