overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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