I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
