hotel room ftw
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
