it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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