The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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