I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm at about main and main street
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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