You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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