she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
