I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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