My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What a dumb baby whore.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
