my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just had sex on a roof
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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