so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
