handjob tips. give me some.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I sprained my soul last night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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