You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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