I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
