My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
All the doctor said was why
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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