Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
