the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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