Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
