Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
