worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
