forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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