I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize