If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
