Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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