Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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