Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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