She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
