no, he came in my armpit
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
