i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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