Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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