Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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