i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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