why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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