You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
