ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
