This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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