walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
