flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize