i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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