At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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