Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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