do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
