It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
