Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
