I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
