The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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