He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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