We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
