i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
