I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
